“When you have cable …” apparently you become depressed, need a drink, stumble to the nearest Turkish bath, where you meet Charlie Sheen, who, next thing you know, is pointing a crossbow at your head from behind a ficus plant. [EW]

Watch Charlie Sheen Reenact Platoon in a DirecTV Ad

ncG1vNJzZmivp6x7t8HLrayrnV6YvK57kWloa2dgaHy4rdOcn2abmJa%2FrbXEZqqhnZWjerOxxKeYnKxdpbmiwM6opWahnmKxqr7EnKuvZZGZe6nAzKU%3D